Top 10 Signs There’s Been Too Much Rain at the Beach

10. “The beach” is now slightly north of Dothan.

9. Bored tourists playing cornhole with condo furniture.

8. Seaside now offering free valet parking for boats under 26′.

7. Cyclists lobbying for new “share the intercoastal canal” campaign.

6. Locals glued to weather radar, praying for that rare patch of dark orange.

5. “Color” officially dropped from WaterColor logo.

4. Saturday’s check-in crowd consisting mostly of animals in pairs.

3. Sea turtles recruiting volunteers for new “South Walton Human Watch.”

2. Fat ass manatees hogging all the good stools at Red Bar.

…and the #1 sign there’s been too much rain here on Scenic Highway 30A?

1. Beleaguered lifeguards throwing themselves in front of water spouts.